Thursday, September 27, 2007

Happily wrong

Well, my prediction was wrong yesterday, and I couldn't be happier. The procedure worked, and we now have a non-breech baby. Hooray!

They hooked me up to the monitor for about an hour before they did the procedure. The baby's heart rate was good, and she was having regular accelerations of her heartbeat, which is also good. The interesting thing was I was having regular contractions about every five minutes. They lasted about a minute apiece, and some were longer. They were mild though, so no one was worried. I did get a shot of terbutaline just before the procedure, which relaxed the uterine muscles.

So, when the time came, they put me in the Trendelenburg position, checked me again with ultrasound, and got ready to go. My doctor had the head in her hands, and the resident had the breech (the butt) in her hands. Another resident kept an eye on things with ultrasound.

It only lasted a few minutes--they said I had a "very accomodating baby"--but it was not fun. I did my breathing exercises and tried to relax as best I could, but there were definite moments of great pain, and the rest of the time was just generally painful.

They kept me on the monitor for another hour or so after the procedure. The baby's heart rate didn't drop much, but they wanted to see the fetal heartbeat acceleration patterns again before they sent me home. Again, the interesting thing was the contraction pattern. They told me the terbutaline should wear off after a few hours, but within a half hour after the version, I was having regular contractions again. And I could tell the terbutaline was still in my system--I felt all jittery and my heart was racing (totally normal and expected side effects). But now, instead of having smooth waves of contractions, the peaks of the contractions post-version were sharp and jagged. They were still relatively mild overall. They sent me home anyway, so it must have been fine.

My doctor didn't do an internal exam yesterday, so I don't know how dilated/effaced I am. I asked her about it, and she said she didn't even want to know, because it wouldn't change anything with the version. Plus, being hooked up to the monitors was a better indication of what was going on than doing the exam. So, I'll know that info at my next appointment on Wednesday.

I felt pretty good right after the procedure. Tim and I walked next door to the lab to just stop by (and get a band-aid, since I bled through the gauze they had on my IV site). We chatted for a while, Dr. B was nowhere to be seen, and then we headed out. I felt really good. My doctor had told me to stay vertical, so we were even discussing going for a walk (which hasn't been comfortable in weeks).

Then, about 5:30, it really started to get painful. I don't know if that was the terbutaline wearing off or what. But I was SORE. My back hurt, my pelvis and hips hurt, and my abdomen hurt. We abandoned the walking idea and just chilled at home.

I took some tylenol, but it didn't help too much. I felt like I had stopped a runaway truck with my abdomen. And since I couldn't lay down yet, I just tried to relax sitting up. Not comfortable at all.

I had originally planned to go into work today. It was supposed to be my last VA clinic before maternity leave, and I had some cells I wanted to treat. The nurse told me yesterday to stay home today (they even gave me a doctor's excuse, which I haven't had since grade school). Considering how good I felt when we left, I wondered why anyone would stay home.

I get it now. I'm in much more pain today than I was yesterday. I couldn't sleep for crap (and neither could Tim, because of me). And tylenol can only do so much. So, I'm home again. I'm definitely going back tomorrow though. As nice as it's been to not be in lab since Monday, I know things will not be pretty with the boss if I take any more time off. Especially now that we'll wait for natural labor to start. I need to make sure I piss him off as little as possible.

So overall, I'm glas she turned. A few days of pain is worth not having to schedule a c-section. There's always the chance that I'll go into labor and end up with a c-section anyway, but it's a much smaller chance now.

Now, we wait. I'm still having regular mild contractions, but my doctor said strength of the contractions was much more important than frequency. And since I can still function (relatively) well, I'm not in labor. The pain and soreness is a constant thing, so I know that's not labor either.

I guess that's it for now. I just had a little lunch (Tim came home for that--he only works ten minutes away--so that was a nice little break). I'm going to wash a few dishes, nothing too stressful, and then try to nap. Exciting stuff!

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Baby watch, post 2

Well, Tim will be home in ten minutes or so, and then we're off to the hospital for the external cephalic version. I'm a little nervous, but I really trust my doctor, so I think things will be fine. If I had to make a prediction right now, I'd say they won't be able to turn her, and we'll have to schedule a c-section. I'm even wondering if they'll want to do the version procedure if I've progressed in my dilation/effacement at all. I have to think that physics would say pushing hard on a bag of fluid (the amniotic sac) when there's been a weakening at a point (thinning/opening of the cervix) means I'm more likely to have my water break. Which would mean a c-section sooner rather than later.

I really don't know what to think. I'm still having contractions, but they aren't terribly painful. And with my doctor going out of town starting tomorrow, I don't know when they'd schedule a c-section. I have a lot of questions I'd like answers to before we start this whole process.

But, I'm not worried. Nervous, sure. Anxious, a little. Excited (especially at the thought that there's a chance, albeit tiny, we could have this baby today), absolutely. But I've been really peaceful about the whole thing. I just think that whatever will be, will be. As long as we make decisions based on what's best for the baby, I know we'll be fine.

So, that's it for now. If things do happen today, it may be a little while before I post again. I've got my laptop at work still. I don't know about the computer capabilities of the hospital--I know some sections have wireless access, and some don't. But, if things happen today, maybe I'll have someone walk next door to get my laptop and then post some info.

Wish us luck!

Oh, PS: Tim got smart and turned on the air conditioning when he got home yesterday. So the evening was much more comfortable than the daytime. Sometimes, I'm too stubborn for my own good.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Baby watch, post 1

I'm awfully tired, and it's 88 degrees, so this will be brief. No, I haven't had the baby yet, but I think it'll be sooner rather than later. I've been having fairly constant false contractions for a few days. Yesterday, I started having contractions that felt a little painful and crampy. They weren't regular, and they weren't super painful, so I didn't go in. Today, I stayed home on bedrest (basically), and I've been having more of the same type of contractions.

However, my doctor said I would know when they are the real thing. Since I'm thinking these aren't them, I don't think I'm in labor yet. But, since they'll hook me up to monitors tomorrow before the version procedure, I'm hoping they can tell me what's up. And hopefully they'll check and see how dilated/effaced I am.

The heat's been brutal--I should've turned the air on, but it was only going to be hot for one day, so I cheaped out. Oh well. It's already 5:30, so it should start to cool down soon.

Lots to blog about, with the shower being this past weekend and my sister Amy flying home for the weekend from California (a total surprise). It was an awesome weekend overall. But, I'm exhausted now, and that'll get me all emotional again, so it'll have to wait, at least until it is cooler.

I'll try to fill you in after the procedure tomorrow. I've been told it's pretty painful, so I may not be up to blogging right away. But I'll do my best.

Wish us luck!

Friday, September 21, 2007

A mini-update

So here's what I know:

-I called the doc this morning, and her nurse called me back. She said that they usually like to do the external cephalic version to turn the baby at 37-38 weeks. So she said to come to my regular appointment Wed. morning and we'd discuss the plan there.

-She called back later and said that my doctor would be out of town for a few days after Wednesday, so change of plans. They cancelled my regular appointment scheduled for Wed. morning and we'll do the version Wed. afternoon.

-In the interest of full disclosure (and besides, it's not like I'm showing a picture), I lost my mucus plug about noon today. Not too surprising--I was a little dilated on Wednesday anyway, and she was messing around with my cervix, so it probable wasn't too tough to dislodge the plug. It doesn't mean too much, as long as my water doesn't break. If I do go into labor, I just have to tell the doctor on call that I'm breech, and they'll check again with ultrasound and then take me up for a c-section. But I haven't had contractions or anything, so I'm not too worried.

-The deal with the version: I get there a few hours ahead. They do another ultrasound, set me up with an IV (in case of an emergency c-section, which the nurse said was very rare), and do a non-stress test on the baby. Then my doc and another person will do the version. The whole thing only takes about 5 minutes, with stops in between to check the position of the baby. It's not fun, but at least it's fast. Then I'll hang around for a while afterwards so they can monitor me and the baby again.

-Hopefully it'll turn the baby. If, during the version, she's not budging, then they'll stop. And if she's still breech, then we'll talk scheduled c-section. But it sounds like she won't be coming today or tomorrow (as long as I don't go into labor on my own).

That's what I know. I'm trying some positions and postures to see if she'll turn on her own, but no success yet. I guess we'll wait and see!

Thursday, September 20, 2007

That answers that question

So now I know why the baby hasn't dropped yet. It's because her head is up near my rib cage. That's right, she's breech. As soon as the ultrasound probe hit my stomach, I saw her head and said, "Oh no!" No doubt on that one. She's breech, and she's comfortable.

The ultrasound took 5 minutes. Of course, it took more than half an hour to get called back, and then I spent an hour waiting for the doctor (after the technician had already done the ultrasound and told me she was breech). The doctor came in, asked why I was here, and when I said, "to see if the baby's breech," he looked at the screen and said, "yep, she's breech". Duh.

Everything else looked good. We're 36 weeks 2 days, smack on with the original due date (and the one we've been using) of October 16. They checked her heart (heart rate 138, good flow), kidneys, bladder, stomach, brain, etc and it all looked good. They estimated her weight at 6 lbs 7 oz by femur length, which is just under 50th percentile, and her head was just about 50th percentile too. Nice average baby. The placenta was higher (we were placenta previa at the first ultrasound, but haven't had a problem since). I'm wondering if where the placenta is located is part of the reason she's breech--it looks like she's leaning on it--but I didn't ask. There's a good amount of amniotic fluid, and they didn't say anything about the cord, so I'm hoping that's good too.

I have a picture of her face, but it looks a little creepy, so I may not post it. The split second before the tech took the picture, there was a really cute one where she was looking right at the probe. You could see her eyes, nose, and mouth. And then she moved just enough to have it look creepy in the picture :) Oh well, I could tell she was pretty cute. But I might be a little biased.

So, the next step: I wait to hear from my doctor. She's at the other hospital today, so I may not hear from her until tomorrow. She mentioned that we'd try external cephalic version. Basically, it means that they'll try to push the baby down into the head-first position by pressing very hard on my abdomen. Fun stuff. The doctor today said the success rate for first time moms is a little less than 50%. Risks range from the very rare (uterine rupture) to the more common but still not super-frequent (emergency c-section due to a drop in the fetal heart rate). If she can't be turned, then we'll have to schedule a c-section to get her out.

I'm a little bummed about the c-section, but I'll do whatever we need to do. I'm hoping she can be turned. But, at least if we have to have a section, it'll be scheduled. That fits my OCD pretty well.

I wish I would've asked yesterday how soon they would scheduled the version. From what I've read, they like to do it sooner rather than later, since the room in the womb keeps getting smaller as the baby grows. But, if one of the risks is emergency c-section, I don't know if they'll want to wait a bit longer. I guess I'll know when the doctor calls.

I am partially relieved, in a way. I've been having a huge amount of Braxton-Hicks contractions the last two days. Since the doctor told me yesterday that I was slightly dilated and half way effaced, I woke up this morning thinking that I might go into labor before the shower. Like today. I swear, at the VA clinic this morning, I kept willing myself to not have contractions. It didn't work, but at least they've only been the false contractions. No real stuff yet. But every time she jumps on my cervix, I worry that she's going to pop out. Now that I know she's breech, at least I don't have to worry about delivering any time soon. Although if I went into labor now, they'd c-section me.

Anyway, I'm relieved to know the baby's doing just fine, happy to have gotten to see her again, excited that it sounds like she may be here sooner rather than later, and worried that we'll have to have a c-section. I know there's still a chance she can be turned with version (and Ming, who was an OB in China, gave me some exercises to try and turn her), but I just have this feeling we're going to end up with a c-section.

It's not the end of the world to have a c-section (and you don't have to go through labor if it's scheduled), but I'm a little bummed. Part of me is bummed for normal reasons: this is major abdominal surgery, and the recovery is tougher than a vaginal birth. And part of me is bummed for silly reasons: after nine months of book reading and childbirth classes, I feel a little shortchanged that I might not experience labor and delivery. I know--not that I like pain, but it's something everyone talks about. Forever and ever. People still ask my mom and aunts how long they were in labor, etc, and they all have stories to tell. I don't know. I just feel like I'd be missing part of the process.

But, in the long run, the baby is what matters. And if she needs a c-section to come into the world, so be it. I'm delivering at the best hospital around, with the one of the best NICUs in the country should we need it, and I know I'm in good hands. So, what will be will be.

If I hear anything from the doctor about scheduling the version or the c-section, I'll post again. Man, I hope this stuff is all covered by insurance. Things could get expensive really fast.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

On my way!

I had my doctor's appointment this morning. Things look good. I'm over a centimeter dilated and over 50% effaced. Woo Hoo!! The baby hasn't dropped yet, so she's not coming super soon, but I'm on my way. The only concern is that the doctor couldn't tell for sure what position the baby's in--there are two definite firm spots, one being the butt and the other the head, but she was thinking today that the head may be up. I've got an ultrasound tomorrow to see if she's breech. If she is, we'll try external cephalic version to turn her around. If that doesn't work, then I'm in for a c-section. But, no point in stressing about that yet.

Tim came to this appointment--his first with meeting the OB--and it was nice to have him there. We both got pretty excited to hear that we're progressing. Since she scheduled my next appointment for a week, it doesn't sound like she thinks I'm going to go into labor any time soon (my mom keeps saying--just make it past the baby shower on Saturday!). But, I think I might set up the car seat and pack my hospital bag tonight, just to be sure.

I'm pretty pumped. And I'm glad we get another ultrasound--it's always nice to see the baby and check on things. I don't know if they'll try to guess a weight on her (and even if they do, the low-level ultrasound measurements are notoriously off), but we'll get to make sure the placenta's in a good spot, etc. We haven't had an ultrasound since June 1, so it's been a while since we've gotten to take a peek.

It's making it very hard to focus and get any work done today. Plus, I had another mostly non-sleeping night last night, and as more of those nights string together, my days get foggier and foggier. But, I've got to try and get more done before I deliver.

Fun stuff. If I get an ultrasound pic, I'll post it tomorrow. Till then, here's hoping she's head down and ready to go!

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

It's only Tuesday?

Wow, I feel like time is dragging this week. It could be the non-sleeping, since that makes every day feel like two, or it could be the anticipation factor. Time always goes slower when you are counting down to something.

Nothing new to report here. Amy's still doing ok in California, although it sounds like she won't be teaching at the camp she was assigned until spring due to the wildfire. She's still working things out, but it sounds like maybe she can just do some of the teaching at the other sites. I don't know where she'll live, but I'm sure her camp is working that out.

Baby is fine. I'm now less convinced she dropped last weekend--I think she's still where she had been, judging by the acrobatics, but my joints are stretching. I've definitely got the waddle now, and it's like I never learned how to climb stairs. I've got my next appointment tomorrow morning, so we'll see what the OB thinks.

Lab is lab. I am still working on things, but all of the roadblocks and speedbumps are really irritating. I don't know if I'll have as much done as I had hoped by the time I go on leave. But, I'm doing the best I can. Especially since I'd like nothing more than to stay home and rest on a daily basis. But, that is not an option.

I've been a zombie due to the not sleeping. And I'm not very useful when I'm home, since I'm exahusted from being in lab all day. I pretty much come home and collapse. I was trying not to leave too much of the housework to Tim this early on--I figure once the baby comes, he'll be doing a lot of it without me, so I was hoping to shoulder the load for a bit longer. But, we'll cope. The dirty dishes don't bother me so much, but I know they bug him.

That's it for now. The week just continues to drag by. I'm 36 weeks today, which means I'm 9 months pregnant according to the calendar. I guess that means we should be prepared for her any time. I don't think it'll be soon, but you never know. Maybe we'll have a better idea tomorrow.

Time to meet with the boss. He's imagining experiments again (he's sure I've gotten a certain result, we go through everything to show that I haven't gotten what he thinks I have, and then I go back to doing the experiments he told me to stop before. Pretty typical really). Always a fun conversation.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

California fire


My sister's camp ground, where she is living/teaching this year, was evacuated due to a wild fire on Friday. She's safe, which is what is important, but it looks like the campground got hit pretty hard. One of the buildings looks to be lost, and they tried to save some of the other buildings by spraying foam on them. I guess they won't know the extent of the damage until the fire is contained. Considering the fire has already burned more than 15,000 acres and is only 12% contained, I don't know when that will be.

I feel for her. I know she got some of her things out, although her cell phone wasn't one of them, so we haven't been able to call her and check on things. She's been online pretty often though (hi, Amy), so we know she's ok.

I can't imagine. I'm not great about disasters. I was living in DC during Sept. 11, and I had a tough time being hours away from anyone I knew (I had just moved in not even a few weeks earlier). At least she's got a community she knows at the camp to help deal with this. Natural disasters are one of my biggest fears though--I'm a huge control freak, and what can you control less than mother nature? That's why my requirements for when we move: no earthquakes, no tornado alley, no hurricanes, no wild fires. Yes, that does actually leave a few sections of the country (Ohio is part of that), but it cuts out most of the coasts and the middle of the country. But, that's the price I'm willing to pay.

Anyway, I just wanted to let people know what was up with Amy. I'll let you know when I hear something from her. Like I said, at least she's safe--we just don't know about her camp yet.

And this is one site that's been posting updates (and here's another). You can also search Butler II fire for more info too. And just keep Amy and the other people at the camp in your prayers.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Not really an update

I've got a lot on my mind, but I'm in a weird place with a lot of it. So, I've been journaling privately, but I'm not sure this stuff is totally appropriate for the web (not like I don't blog about all sorts of other random things usually).

It's nothing bad or earth shaking. But it's some things I need to sort out for myself. Really, things overall are pretty good. I'll give you the quick run-down:

-The old house is still up for sale. Nothing ever came of that girl who said she was interested about a month back. It's been slow everywhere, and we're just hanging in there. We knew it'd take a while.

-Pregnancy is going well. We're 35 weeks today. The baby might've dropped Sunday night, but I'm not positive about that one. She might've just changed position. All I know is that now I can't sleep at all, and my hips/pelvis and lower back are killing me. I've got a thorough exam coming up next Wednesday, so we'll know her positioning for sure then.

-Lab is lab. There are ups and downs--some days experiments go well, some not so much. And we're having a real problem with incubator contamination again. I think I know who's responsible.

-I'm having a hard time reconciling my personal lab frustrations and issues with the excitement I have about the pregnancy. I don't want my memories of this time to be all about how stressed I was in lab. I'm thinking of her impending delivery more in terms of how it'll affect my experiments and maternity leave timing instead of how exciting it will be to finally have this little girl in the world. That's not right. And it's something I'm working on.

I had a conversation yesterday in the lunch room with a younger student in the department. She's not MSTP--just a straight-up grad student--and we were talking about the hoops people in our department have to jump through versus other departments. We both agreed that bench research hasn't turned out the way we thought. It really got me thinking about what I want from all of this. And that's what I'm going through now.

I'm really struggling mentally and emotionally with my lab situation now. It's no worse than usual, but my regular method of coping--just put my head down and plow forward while ignoring the bigger issues--just leads to these big buildups of frustration like I am having now. I guess I'm just frustrated with how I'm treated by my PI, my department, and my committee. I feel like everyone else has these secrets that I'm not privvy to, even though they affect my future. And I am frustrated with the lack of respect towards my situation.

I don't want to get into it too much, but I'll set up a brief example. I entered Frank's lab in July of 2004. He moved, and I entered into Dr. B's lab in the fall of 2005. I haven't been in my current lab for a full two years yet. There are people in my program, in other departments, who have been in the same lab for the last three years and aren't even close to a paper. But they are still planning on finishing and going back to med school next summer, the same as me. Many of them need only one paper, or for a few, a paper is suggested but not required for the thesis. Now, the MSTP wants you to have at least one paper, and most get two or three by the time things are all done, but they can't mandate those requirements for graduation--it's up to the PhD department. Four years in the PhD phase is pretty typical for the MSTP--a lot do 5, a rare few do 3, and occasionally there's a 6 year or longer. For regular graduate students in my department, where two first author papers must be accepted before you can even apply to defend your dissertation, I think the average PhD is 6 years. There are two people now who are in their 7th year and don't have one paper accepted yet. Now, they are both close, and I think they will have both of their papers out nearly back to back, but still. Seven years.

I am getting one paper out of the 14 or so months I was in Frank's lab. And I'll have hopefully another paper written on this crappy project I've been on after a little over two years of work, hopefully. Really, that's pretty good. Especially for how bad the lab situations have been. Could it have gone faster? Absolutely. But I'm better than average time-wise. These aren't going to be earth-shattering papers, by any stretch, but they'll count.

So, if this is the case, why do I get so much crap from my PI and my committee about my time line? Even if I went back to med school in the summer of 2009 instead of 2008, I'd still be not much beyond average. And that's with me switching labs, which usually sets people back a year or two. So why all the pressure?

I have to believe it's because of the lab situation. I really get the impression that my committee knows Dr. B is shutting down. The only grant we had left expired in May, and we're living off of that. And it doesn't look like he's going to write a renewal. But he won't tell us what is going on, even when we ask. I've heard rumors we'll be out of money as early as November. I've also heard he's planning to retire as early as this spring. But again, they are all rumors. He won't give us an answer.

I think he's talked to my committee, and I think they know his plans. But they won't tell me either. And that's frustrating to me. I'm not four years old--this is my life. If there are things affecting my timing, I think I deserve to be told about them. But apparently the faculty don't feel the same way.

I can go back to med school in July 2008 and be right on track with the med school class. Or I can go back in November 2008, still graduate in 2010, but be a little more squeezed for time. Otherwise, I've got to wait till July 2009, which would have me graduating in 2011. Really, we know we're staying here for residency. Fellowship and beyond is open. In the big scheme of things, another year is no biggie. But if things are going down in the lab the way they sound like they are, I may not have the option to push things back a year.

I don't know. This whole thing is really only the surface. I'm really struggling with a lot of life decisions related to lab/school/future plans, etc. I've been really good about keeping myself so busy that I don't have the time to sit down and think about it. But I'm going to have a baby. Soon. Really soon--unbelievably soon. I know that will change everything. I always knew I wouldn't stay home full time, but I also thought I could balance work and home. I knew clerkships and residency would be tough, but I also knew those were temporary. I've been putting off thinking longer term because I thought I had time. I do, technically, have a few years to decide, but I also need to be ready to start thinking about this stuff soon.

Yeah, anyway. Like I said, I'm in a weird place right now. I'm far from having all the answers. I'm frustrated. And I'm angry. I'm angry at myself, for allowing work issues to have more importance than my pregnancy. I'm angry that I've let myself be treated the way I have, like I should be ashamed that I've let a pregnancy interrupt my research. I'm angry at the culture of academia, that a major life event like the birth of a child can be looked at so negatively.

I want to get rid of all of the anger and frustration I have and just be happy. I'm so excited for this baby, no matter what other people might want me to feel, and I want this to be a happy time. I know the first six weeks home with her will be exhausting, and stressful, and emotionally draining. And I couldn't be more excited to go through that, because I know that I'll be home with my child. I know my priorities will have to change once she's born. Really, it's probably a good thing if they do. I need to be better about setting personal boundaries in my work life. Having a baby will force me to do that. When she's here, she's my number one priority. And everybody else can kiss it.

Ok, enough random rambling. I'll work on sorting this stuff out on my own time. Meanwhile, I do have experiments to do. Lab won't last forever, I keep telling myself that. I also remember that I use to love being in lab. My, how things change.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Still here

Just a quick note to say hey, I'm still alive. I've been busting butt in lab trying to get as much done as I can. Today may end up being a little less than a full day due to the fact that I am completely exhausted. I'm dizzy and tired, and I almost fell asleep into my lunch a few minutes ago. I had a doctor's appointment this morning, and everything looked fine, so I know physically I'm doing ok.

I think I'm just worn out mentally. And probably a little bit worn out physically too. Saturday and Sunday turned into fairly busy days, but Monday was a complete waste of time. And I loved every minute of it. I watched Anne of Green Gables, did very minor housework, and just relaxed. I thought relaxing on Monday would be enough to recharge me, but judging by today, I'd have to say not so much.

I do realize that I am 6 weeks away from my due date, and that could be part of why I'm so exhausted. But at the same time, I've been fully functional throughout the pregnancy (minus the first trimester or so), so why slow down now? Especially when my boss is pushing harder than ever for me to get stuff done. I'll be in Saturday, there's no avoiding that, but we're having some of Tim's frat brothers and their wives/kids over for opening day on Sunday, so that day is off limits work wise.

I think I just need to knock off an hour or two early today and try to get a nap. I'm non-functional now anyway, so I might as well. I'm hoping this won't get too much worse in the coming weeks. But, if things do get worse, I've got to take care of myself. Normally I wouldn't care too much and just run myself ragged, but there's another person in the picture now. So, for her sake, I need to rest every now and again.

I don't like admitting that I'm weak and need help. Can you tell? It's a personality trait I've had to work on a great deal in this pregnancy. And for today, I think I need to throw in the towel.

Really, things are going well otherwise (pregnancy-related, anyway). So I can't complain about being tired. At least I don't have gestational diabetes, blood pressure issues, or one of the other million things that can go wrong. And as far as we know, we have a healthy baby. I'll just suck it up about the tiredness and be thankful that's the worst of it.