Things are better today. Not in like a permanently better way, although I am hopeful for that too. In a day-to-day better way. I've had a few really sweet emails that remind me that there are people in my life who care. I tend to withdraw into myself when things get tough--I've never been any good at asking for help. And one of the hallmarks of an alcoholic dysfunctional family is the shame. I've got to work on that.
And sometimes, I feel like the universe drops little reminders into our lives that things work out for the best. I had one last night. Tim's parents watched Sophie for a bit so I could run out and get some baby items (actually, I wasn't going to go out, but they insisted). I went to Wal-Mart, just to kill some time, and I was wandering around the baby section when Tim called from Richmond (he's in Virginia, not North Carolina, this time. I can't even keep it straight!) He was regaling me with his car rental woes when I stopped dead. I had wandered to the very back corner of the store, and there in front of me was Sophie's blanket!
I have to tell you why this is a big deal. Tim's mom bought Sophie a pretty pink silky-furry blanket before she was born. Well, she attached to it. And for 8 months we've been looking for another one. The original came from Target, and while they carry a similar one, it had embroidery and other designs that Sophie's doesn't (and couldn't easily be removed without ruining the satin). We've checked every store, brick and online, and I scour eBay regularly. And I've checked Wal-Mart--even this exact Wal-Mart--several times before. No blanket.
And the day care wanted to keep Sophie's blanket there, just for safekeeping. I'm sure I could've asked for it, but between the hectic first day pickup and me not wanting to make waves, it slipped my mind until it was too late. I stressed all last night about how Sophie was going to sleep without her blanket.
And there it was, right in front of me. At that moment, I just felt a sense of peace and calm. And I knew it was a gift.
It's little things like that. Things that make each day more bearable. And it is those things that fill my spirit. Notes from family and friends and gifts from heaven--little things that bring me out of my fortress of anxiety.
And I know I promised pictures, but I'll do it tomorrow. For tonight, I am going to try to go to bed before midnight.