Monday, June 16, 2008

Still here

I didn't want to leave such a stressed-out post up forever, but I am too crazy busy at work to really post anything deep. Makes sense, right?

Anyway, lab is still extremely stressful, and I don't see things changing in the near future (or at all for that matter). But, I've accepted that my remaining time in the lab is going to suck, that my boss is not interested in helping me succeed, and that ultimately I am going to have to make this happen on my own.

I am trying to find positive spots outside of the lab. I've started volunteering with the therapeutic riding program again. It's a bit stressful in the scheduling sense, especially with how much Tim has been traveling. But the actual volunteering is good for my spirit.

Tim's going to be traveling a lot more, and that sucks. He was gone three days last week, he'll be gone three days next week, and then he's traveling again shortly after that. Having Sophie on my own at night is tough. I honestly don't know how single parents do it on a regular basis (or do it with more than one child). She is wonderful, but completely draining. And we are very close to crawling, so you have to keep an eye and a hand on her at all times. By the time I get home, feed her, play with her, bathe her, put her to bed, and make sure she's asleep, it's usually after 9 PM and I haven't even eaten yet. And I still have to clean up the house, get things ready for the next day, and try to get some work done. It's absolutely overwhelming.

Sophie is so worth it though. I can't believe how much of a little person she's becoming! She definitely has her own personality. And she's just so radiantly happy most of the time. Really, she's a handful, but she's easy as far as babies go. I have new pictures somewhere, and the next time I have five minutes, I'll try and load them (so look for them in a year or two:)

I really do like having Sophie around, but I had absolutely no clue how tough things would still be after nearly 8 months. If you had told me when I got pregnant that I wouldn't have a full night's sleep for a year and a half, I wouldn't have believed you. But it's absolutely true. I'm a horrible sleeper anyway. And being constantly alert, listening for her, keeps me up. Plus, when I do get up with her, it takes me at least an hour to fall back asleep. I'd say I average 3-4 hours of sleep a night, if I'm lucky. It has totally taken a toll--I'm pretty much a walking zombie today--but at least I'm ready for residency :)

Anyway, just wanted to drop a note to say I'm alive. And as I alluded to before, there are some other issues in my life that are currently percolating. I may get into them eventually, but I don't have the time to devote to it at the moment. Ah well, back to lab. Someday, I'll get a vacation!

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