Wednesday, November 05, 2008

MIA

I know I've been more MIA than usual recently. I am hoping this changes soon. I've just been so exhausted.

I actually did a screening visit for a clinical trial on Tuesday, and for the first time, I was not in the healthy volunteer group. It is an insomnia study, and I apparently definitely qualify. That was actually a bit of a shock--I know I haven't been sleeping much, but to quantitate it and have someone else tell me that I have insomnia was rather strange.

Basically, I have been sleeping about 4 hours a night for almost two years. A year of that was pregnancy plus the first six weeks home. The last year, though, Sophie's really been sleeping pretty well. I have not been. It takes me about an hour and a half to fall asleep when I go to bed. I get up at least three times at night, and it takes me about 30-45 minutes to fall back asleep. And I am always up before my alarm.

Some nights, I sleep and only get up once. Other nights, I don't sleep at all.

I don't drink caffeine or alcohol, I don't take medications, and I don't have other sleep habits that would keep me up. I'm just...up.

It's really started to affect me. I've always been tired during the day, but now I can't get my eyes to focus, I worry about driving, and I can't be still for more than a few minutes without starting to nod off (think seminars...)

And having to get up at 5 AM on mornings like today will become more of a regular thing in the new lab. I try going to bed earlier, but I just don't fall asleep. And so, it's 2 PM, I've been up for 9 hours already, and I can barely keep my head up. And I have a full day ahead.

I just can't keep living like this. The clinical trial is only 8 weeks, but if I feel better afterwards, I am going to talk to my doctor. I'm hesitant about long term sleeping medications, considering that one benadryl knocks me out for 24 hours, but I need to figure something out to get more sleep.

So yeah, insomnia plus crazy busy at work plus busy at home equals not a ton of time for blogging. Too bad, because I've had a lot of things pop up that would be fun to talk about, but by the time I have an opportunity, it just doesn't seem interesting anymore.

But life in general is moving along. My new project isn't doing what we expected, which could be interesting if it is a real result, or it will just be frustrating if it's an experimental error. Hard to tell with such a small number of experiments done, but I'll let you know.

For now, I may have to break a rule and go get some caffeine. I'm not going to be able to finish my day without it.

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