Wednesday, June 09, 2010

Once again

I'm back in lab tonight, and I will be back Friday and Saturday as well. After getting home late last night, I decided that I was more mad about this lab situation than anything. I will have come into work five days this week, in addition to all of the work I've been doing at home. And this is while I am supposed to be on maternity leave. I am supposed to be off for another two weeks. And yet, I think why I am really mad is because, although my boss is putting a lot of pressure on me, I have yet to receive any feedback whatsoever on what I've already sent her.

If I felt like my time was making progress towards me graduating, I think I'd be less bitter about it. Instead, I've been working on my paper during my entire maternity leave. And it sucks, because most of the time I am in work is time I could be spending with Sophie. She came home today, and the first thing she said was, "Mommy, you leaving for work?"

Already I feel like she needs extra attention, since we just had a baby, and instead I'm spending less time with her. It's like I have two full time jobs: I am home all day taking care of Josh, and then I work the minute I can.

And I don't mind the infant caretaking. It's a lot of work, but I'm much more comfortable with it this time. I just wish I wasn't splitting my time.

And since Sophie is third fiddle behind Josh and work, that puts Tim fourth, and me fifth. Not a good thing. Tim and I are coping ok (besides the occasional argument over whose turn it is to wash the dishes), but I've had three hours of free time (one to buy plants, one to plant them, and one to go out looking for planters with my sister). Ok, if you count a visit to the dentist (which I don't), I've had four hours. That's fine for now--I'd much rather have more time to spend with my family.

Sophie was home all last week, and other than a 2.5 hour trip to the zoo, we didn't do anything special with her. I feel bad about that. We were supposed to have family time, and instead my time was consumed with work.

I want to graduate--I am soooooo ready for this phase of my life to be over. But if my time over the last few weeks isn't actually progressing my paper, then why I am here? If this paper doesn't go out until I am back in the lab (which at this point, seems like a safe bet), I could've done this all when I got back.

Oh PhD, how I loathe you...

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